Saturday, July 24th, 2149

We drop like flies. We started off as ten. I bear the responsibility of every death. Every death weights on my conscience. I pretend to be strong, but I know I am not. I am decaying, slowly, and it shows.

Friday, July 23rd, 2149

Kerrin is recovering nicely. She even found time to work on the machine. She was really excited when I brought it to her. Judas is bitter; however, he blames me for what happened to Kerrin. More and more I am feeling like he is my enemy.

Thursday, July 22nd, 2149

While going through more of the scientist notes I discovered a paper about an experiment he was conducting about 20 years ago. The paper talked about trying to combine the genes of humans and them. The scientist called them 'Demigods'. I cannot find the paper on the outcome of his research. I have; however, found a few papers on the physiology and genome of the 'Demigods' Just about the only thing they have in common with humans are their looks. The scientist suggest after they have had more time to evolve humans and the Demigods will not even have that in common.

While the Demigods are clearly physically superior to humans they are nowhere near as intelligent. The scientist suggest in his notes that mixing the two separate species will result in a stronger, smarter species. I myself do not see how this will result in anything other than weak and stupid creatures. I do not think I have the second part of this paper. I am planning another trip to our old home.

Wednesday, July 21st, 2149

She slips into my room late at night. She sits on my lap, and I slid inside. For a moment We become one. Her tongue invades the recesses of my mouth and mine hers. I explore her body with my tongue while I prob deep inside her. Slowly I start to climax, and then I explode. We fall asleep in each others arms.

Tuesday, July 20th, 2149

It seems Kerrin will be okay. I went out and got her a present for when she recovers. It was the machine that attacked her. She has been wanting to capture one and work on it since we first came across them. We never had room for one before, but now that we have more room she can rebuild her own machine.

It was hard work getting it back to the facility; it took all day. I came across a few of them when I was moving the machine, but I have dealt with them so many time it was no big deal. There was only 5... I killed them all.

Monday, July 19th, 2149

There was blood everywhere....

We came across a machine today. It shot Kerrin 5, 10, maybe 15 times. There is only one way to disable the machines, which is to get behind it. This is a daunting task when you consider it can swivel its torso 360 degrees. It takes at least two people to do it, one in front and the other one goes behind. This means while the person is behind it the other one is getting shot at.

I offered to go in front, Kerrin went to disconnect it (She has a thing for machines). The machine was shooting at me, and I was running circles around it. Kerrin ran circles in the back getting closer and closer each time. The further away the person in the front is the slower the machine turns so it is easier for the person to disconnect it. Somehow the machine sensed Kerrin was back there and suddenly turned. It hit her in the head with his gun, and then starting shooting her. I ran as fast as I could towards the back of the machine and disabled it, but it was already too late.

Judas ran her to the medical facility, and Me and Dawn brought the rest of the stuff. By time we got there it was almost too late. I know a great deal about healing and was able to save her, but she will never be more than a burden to us anymore. Dawn and I discussed leaving her behind, but We knew We could never do that. That Judas would never let us do that. Judas is as close to Kerrin as I am to Dawn.

Dawn and I have grown accustomed to sleeping in the same cot like the people we met did. It is hard getting use to sleeping with someone, but I kind of like it.

Sunday, July 18th, 2149

Her lips meet mine again, and again, in dreams. I cannot get it out of my brain. Even when I am awake my minds dwells on it. Dawn is all I can think about.

 We have set up camp in the medical facility and moved many things from our old 'home' to it. Kerrin and Judas do not know Me and Dawn went in the room We were not supposed to. I do not think that they would approve, or that they would be able to deal with what we found out. They held the scientist in such high regard. I am starting to realize more and more that he was a manipulative liar. I have found out through his notes that he was testing the gas on us; he must have done something to make us resistant to it.

Saturday, July 17th, 2149

We arrived at the hospital today, but that is not important. After Judas and Kerrin went to bed me and Dawn snuck out and went to our old home. In our old home there is one room the scientist told us never to go into; it was his lab. I grabbed a number of papers and started to go throw them. I did not have time to look though it all, but I did find one thing that startled me. I found one paper on the human genome, on ALTERING the human genome. I am starting to think that the scientist had something to do with the drug that changed everyone. Another paper looked like a journal entry.


It stated this:

'There is a problem with the drug. It seems people are refusing to take it. I have discussed a number of different ways of distribution to higher officials. The most effective way seems to be airborne. We are also discussing waterborne and food borne. When I started this venture I felt like I was doing the right thing. Now I seem to have a guilty conscience.'

I did not see anything saying what the drugs purpose was, but I do not see what else it could be. It all depends on if the people we stayed with were right about the airborne 'virus' or not. It all comes down to who I believe.

Friday, July 16th, 2149

We are halfway to the medical facility. The people we were staying with tried to get us to stay. I do not know why, but I suspect they are after security. They seemed very frail. I was almost wanted to stay, to help them, but I knew I couldn't. Once again we are camping outside with no shelter. I offered to stay awake all night so they all could sleep. Dawn stayed up with me for a few hours. She wanted to know what I thought of what those people said. I told her I didn't know, but I planned on going to our old home to find out. She agreed to help, and to keep it from the others. Then she did something she never did before. She put her lips on mine. We saw it when we were staying with the others, but I did not know what it was. Dawn told me that it was called a 'kiss', and it was a sign of affection. She asked the people about it. After that I 'kissed' her back. I cannot stop thinking about that 'kiss'.

Thursday, July 15th, 2149

I am growing antsy. Every day we are here I am more and more worried. My brother and Kerrin seem intent to stay here, but I can sense that Dawn is getting worried too. For some reason I do not trust these people. I have learned; however, that there is a medical facility 8 miles north of here. It is possible that at this facility we can find the proper tools to fix my brothers jaw. I have decided we will leave for this place in the morning. I have not told anyone but Dawn. Judas and Kerrin are becoming increasingly defiant of me. All I am trying to do is look out for them. This facility is near where the scientist raised us. I am kind of excited to see our old home. We left so much behind when we left.

Wednesday, July 14th, 2149

I have learned many things from the people who live here. It has become very clear that there was a lot that the scientist was not honest about. He told me that the drug that changed everyone was a pill, but these people are telling me that it was a gas, a gas that still lingers to this day. The gas changes the people. Which brings up another question; why have We not been changed? I cannot stop pondering this? There is one more thing I have noticed, but I am sure it is not important. I have so many questions, and no one to ask. Could it be that these people are mistaken about the gas?

Tuesday, July 13th, 2149

Today We met some people, the people who live here. This is the first time We have ever come across anyone We were not related to. They startled us, they were wearing strange mask that resembled the pictures I have seen of World War 2. One thing that struck me as weird was that they could not understand why we were not wearing them. They said something about contaminating the air in their home. Apparently there was some sort of method of filtering the air in the front room. They told us that the air outside was poison, and if you breathe it you become one of them. There were three people that lived in the house, 2 male and 1 female. The second male was a young boy. The adults were both around 26, and their child was 4. They offered to share their home with us for a few days, and I am very interested in hearing more about what they have to say. It turns out there are a few things the scientist never told Us. How come he never mentioned that the air was poison?

Monday, July 12th, 2149

I did a terrible job fixing My brothers face. I am worried it will get infected. It is already showing signs of infection, and once infection seeps in there is no way to fix it. Today is not all bad though, We have found a temporary shelter. It is not well fortified, but it is well stocked. I feel like a hermit crab, always moving from one shell to another. This was very obviously someone elses shelter. I can not help wondering what happened to them, or how long ago it was. I do not think we can stay here for long, but all my siblings are excited to have found a new place. I hate having to be the bad guy and break news like this to them. They have had the same experiences as me, yet they are so niave. I am worried about what will happen if there is ever a time I can not take care of them. I know they can not fend for themselves.

Sunday, July 11th, 2149

The news for Us to move did not go down well. Judas; however, was the most problematic. The only thing more stressful than his arrogance, is his ignorance. He thinks just because he is the only other male that he has a say in what goes on. He tried to argue with me, I punched him, probably broke his jaw. There was not much we could do to fix it. I took a metal plate and screwed it into his face. There was no way to kill the pain... His screams are keeping me up tonight. Just another thing to add to my list of nightmares, reminders. I am capable of more evil than I would have thought.

Saturday, July 10th, 2149

We are on the road. We could not find any suitable shelter, so We have to take shifts sleeping. I usually hate sleeping in shifts but this time I didn't mind, I haven't slept in days... Well I haven't slept for any reasonable length of time in days. I am the only one of Us who has ever had a dream. I use to think I had them for a reason, that I could get some prophetic wisdom from them, but know I doubt that was ever true. I do not want to sleep, the things I have seen are to horrible. Why would I want to see them again? My kid brother getting blown to bits, people being eaten, people I love getting turned to them, having to destroy vessels. I didn't want to go through any of it the first time. Why would I want to see it again?

In case you are wondering we have traveled about 4 mile, and have not come across anything new or useful. I have decided that We are not going back 'home', that We will find a new home on this trip. I have not told any of the others yet, I do not know how they will react. Now it is my turn to sleep, maybe I will tell them in the morning.

Friday, July 9th, 2149

It is a hostile environment that we live in. There are 3 main dangers, and many minor ones. The first of which are them. If one catches you you will turn into one of them, unless of course they eat you completely which is a lot more likely. The second is the machines. The machine are a much more formidable opponent, but the machines have even less thought process them. There are a lot less machines then there are of them, and the ones that still exist are not in good working order. The machines were designed to fight them, but they can not tell the difference between them and us. The third most important danger is animals. They are hungry, and they don't care what it is they will attack and eat everything. Other dangers are disease, radiation, and injury just to name a few. Any one of these is a death sentence.

Every few days we have to leave or shelter and risk these, today is one of these days. We have raided every place within a 4 mile radius. This is when it becomes dangerous. Every time we have to leave we have to travel further and further from 'home'. Most places we raid no longer have anything useful, they have either been raided long before or everything is just to old to be used. Within the next few days we are going to have to find a new place to live.

Thursday, July 8th, 2149

Four shots. I squeezed the trigger four times but each time it startled me. I felt like I had taken a life, though I know I hadn't. I destroyed the vessel in which a life use to dwell. That life was taken way before me. The life was taken by a higher power who claims to be merciful. Still I wept for the life I felt I had taken. I still don't know why I cried. I knew I did nothing wrong. Then again there is no such thing as wrong and right. Something is only wrong if there is someone there to disapprove of it, and there is no one here.

That was 6 years ago to this day. Since then I have 'killed' many more. None of them stand out as much as the first one did. I was never violent as a child. It's hard growing up and having to be strong for my family. It's weird how much we change.

Wednesday, July 7th, 2149

The guitar breathes as she does, moaning every time she breaths in. Her and it breathe to the rhythm of lullabies she plays me. I fight off sleep as long as I can but eventually Hope wins, and I am sent back to my nightmares.

Tuesday, July 6th, 2149

I use to have more brothers and sisters. Last night I dreamt of one. It was a few weeks after we first found this place and we were being chased by them. I heard a click and instantly knew our day was fucked. He stopped as soon as he heard it, but I knew that as soon as he picked his foot up he would be dead. They were closing in on us, and he looked at me. It seemed like forever but it was maybe half a second at the most. Karren and Judas were maybe 100 yards off still running. Dawn was by my side tearing up. 'Go' he said 'just go'. I stared into his eyes for eternity, Dawn was absolutely losing it. I start to run, but Dawn doesn't budge. He takes his foot off the mine and the whole earth shakes. I look back and Dawn is still standing there. They are maybe 50 feet away, my brother and sister now 150 yards. I ran to her and grabbed her. I put her on my shoulders and ran as fast as I could.

By time we get back 'home' I am absolutely covered in blood. I thought it was my brothers. I lay Dawn down to discover she is covered in shrapnel. There must of been 15 places where she was penetrated by it. It was then when I started crying. I had been with Hope since before I can remember. I thought I lost her that day.

Monday, July 5, 2149

I travel in a group of four of which I am the eldest. I am 19 as you have no doubt inferred from the previous page, my brother Judas is 15, and my sisters are 13 and 16, their names are Kerrin and Dawn. We were all rescued by a scientist at early ages. None of us know who our real parents are, but he was a father to us all. He taught us English, Science, and the history of the 'End Times'. One day when I was about 15 he disappeared. Just as God abandoned us so did he.

A few days later we were chased from our 'home'. We never stay in one place to long; though, we have been where we are for a little to long. Imagine a 2 mile by 2 mile mine field. Down in the south west corner is a freight train car buried 20 feet into the ground. 15 feet away from this is a hatch and when you open it there is a ladder. When you get down there you will see the smallest darkest tunnel you can imagine that leads to the freight car. This is my home.

Sunday, July 4, 2149

'I do not blame God for abandoning us... We abandoned Him first.' -Unknown, 2011

It is my birthday, my 19th if you care at all. For my birthday I received a pack of playing cards and this journal (once again this is just assuming you care). Life is very fleeting here, so I have decided to document mine in this medium.

I will start with how we got here:

139 years ago there was an end of the world scare. The world was getting more and more hazardous to live in. A select group of scientist decided that if they genetically altered humans to be stronger natural disasters would be easier to survive. There was a problem with the (mandatory) drug they manufactured to alter our genes. It took the essence of what made us human. Just like anytime we try to play God, he gets the last laugh. He wanted to wipe out humanity, and when we found a loop hole He took that very humanity from us.